the colour of our lives

poetry • celebration • faith • nature • humanity • imperfections • glory

accounting

2009.11.17

I try to create a ledger of my life
a balance sheet of blessings and curses
wife
daughter
house
job
but even these externals
are not easily accounted for.
This is a wrong turn from
the start.
So I count different things
music (not enough)
love (you have to spend to earn)
God (unable to be bought at any price).
The categories are too broad.
Splitting entries might help, so:
job:
1. confidence (debit)
2. salary (credit)
3. loneliness (debit)
and so on,
but it all devolves
ultimately
to matters of the heart.
I am stumped; I do not know
how to measure my heart, or
even what hearts are measured in:
not-unspoken words;
passions followed by actions;
moments of courage or sacrifice;
tears of true repentance;
all of these, types of love.
And love, the greatest of these,
defies definition.
Still! my mind, and you
other voices who clamour for
balance and fairness. Speak
to me the kind of love
that leaves all questions open, does
not rush to fill emptiness, answers
all things with brilliant light.

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