the colour of our lives

poetry • celebration • faith • nature • humanity • imperfections • glory

soil

 

gravity, air and water
strip the weary planet bare;
rocks shrink and change while
ocean-bound, forming, for a moment
in time, a fleeting skin of soil
soilroot
 
(and again as a tanka)

rocks shrink and change while
gravity, air and water
strip the weary earth;
a sustaining skin of soil
holds the transience of life

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

6 thoughts on “soil

  1. Works both ways but the second one really pops…

  2. I agree…something about that 2nd one.

  3. Hmmm… Thanks to the 2 of you, for your time & kind comments… I liked the first one, but maybe the discipline of the tanka has sharpened the idea up (?)
    peace, Dan

  4. Evelyn on said:

    I think the 2nd one seems to have a definitive path where the first one just seems like aimless describing.

  5. I think Evelyn got it, though I wouldn’t have seen it without her pointing it out. The second one has a direction, beginning to conclusion, something more than a description. Descriptions are good in themselves, of course, but an added layer of structure really adds … er, an added layer of structure. Which I like but can’t enunciate any better.

    • Excellent, thanks Carroll & Evelyn. A useful lesson for me in [not necessarily] trusting my own aesthetic to be the best judge of universal appeal! 😉

Say what you think

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: