the colour of our lives

poetry • celebration • faith • nature • humanity • imperfections • glory

a slight chance of shadows

weather like bent trees
atmosphere is more than air
even the very leaves
rattle, crisply, its quiet name
in sunlight, dull, metallic
.


This post first appeared at a slight chance of shadows on Cinquain Fevah!

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14 thoughts on “a slight chance of shadows

  1. planaquarium on said:

    Love it! especially “atmosphere is more than air” – wonderful phrase, full of potential.

  2. Wow
    very nice

    Reminds of of the “vague newscast ”
    The weather man says “40% chance of rainbow”.
    🙂

  3. This sounds like Texas to me, the leaves rattling crisply, the sunlight dull and metallic. You have a talent for brevity; this form suits you well.

    • Thanks Carroll. Actually the landscape I have in mind is in New Zealand; I worked with a fellow student there (vacation work for the Forest Service), and he had a peculiar turn of phrase at times that included naming weather after species of trees.

  4. awww, thanks for telling people. Im so happy you
    are working with me at Cinquain Fevah!

  5. How very beautiful! You wrote this off the cuff? Very impressive. I love the first line, and the title.

    • I’m lazy, so I don’t spend much time redrafting… except in my head, where there are many cycles of revision before something ever gets written down. I never forgot how to daydream…
      thank you for the very kind comment –D

  6. a tanka? love the last line. it brings back memories of staring into the sun and turning it into a copper penny.

    • Hello Yi-ching! Lovely to get feedback from you in the New Year. Yes, it’s a tanka, probably somewhat unconventional with the last 3 lines being effectively a single phrase… “staring into the sun and turning it into a copper penny” – lovely words, there is a poem in them, undoubtedly.

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